Punctuality

Hello. My name is Tim, and sometimes I'm a few minutes late.

There, I said it. I feel better.

The problem is, I'm moving to an extremely punctual country - assuming I don't miss the flight.

My destination, Switzerland, is a well-known manufacturer of exact timepieces. It has a train system that has the strictest criteria for punctuality in Europe. To be classed as "on time" according to the Swiss Federal Railways, a passenger has to get to their final destination within three minutes of the timetable time. And they manage that 89.3 percent of the time, which means that nine out of ten passengers arrive within three minutes of when they expect to, and 97.7 percent of connections are made. Most of the time you can literally set your watch by the train system. In comparison, I am imprecise and worryingly sloth-like. Sometimes I don't actually know when I've reached my destination. Nobody sets their watch by my movements, thank god.

Swiss watch - good for the almost-punctual like me.

But given its reputation, is Swiss punctuality really such a big deal in everyday, non-railway life? This page on etiquette in Switzerland assures me it is. It advises me to be punctual, to be neat, to sit up straight and tie my shoelaces, get a haircut and tuck in my shirt, and turn down that awful music. I'm paraphrasing a bit there. As a test of their advice I checked their page for Australia and learned, to my surprise, that here the thumbs-up gesture is considered obscene - which probably explains its popularity - and that soup should be eaten by moving the spoon away from you, not towards. This nonsensical instruction was included, I assume, just so locals can watch and laugh as people attempt to eat their soup with a wayward swooping motion. It also has, in the section on gifts, the lovely line "Australia produces excellent wine. Taking wine would be like taking sand to the desert". They don't mention that Australia also has deserts, so in fact you could bring both. That's my pro tip.

The etiquette pages being thus proved less than totally reliable, I have discussed punctuality with some Actual Swiss People and have been assured, again, that it is indeed extremely important. I take them at their word because as well as being punctual, all Swiss people I know seem extremely trustworthy, and they have reassuring accents.

So, I'm concerned, but I'm trying to be alert but not alarmed about the whole thing. I have a watch, and I can even read it. I'm sure I can be on time every time if I work at it. I've never actually missed a flight. I'll let you know how I go - later.